Back to Reality

The time has finally come for me to go back to work. Monday will be my first day back. I am not excited to go back. I have a lot of anxiety about leaving Kaden. I know he will be fine and will be in great hands, but it is the part of me that says "I can do it better than anyone...at least I can do it exactly the way I want." It's like, I would rather clean the house because then I will know that it is done right and the way I want it. It's like that, but 100 times worse! Kaden needs me. I am so grateful that I have had 3 amazing months to spend solely with Kaden (and of course John, which is super amazing and unheard of...I am very lucky to have had this time).

Kaden has been the only worry, concern and thing on my mind. Everything I have done is for him. It is like I have two different lifes, Kaden life and work (reality) life and now they will be meeting for the first time. I am anxious to see how it will work out and how I will feel about it. I have been spoiled having John around, I haven't had to function with Kaden independently, I have always had an extra pair of hands...so that will be very intersting..getting in and out of the

car alone is a chore. I guess it is a little more difficult because I did not anticipate feeling this way (how could I...as soon as that little guy was born everything changed in a wonderful way..everything I thought and felt was now different). I never imaged being a stay at home mom, a career was very important to me but I find myself being ok not going back to work. Luckily I have a great job that I am successful with and a store that is very excited for me to come back (boy it would be hard if I wasn't good at my job or if the people I work with didn't want me back!). I know everything will work out and I will find a nice balance.

At least I can put my mind at ease because Kaden has 2 great people to watch him at our house. My sister Suzy is going to watch Kaden one morning a week and then we have hired a girl we know to watch him 3 afternoons a week. All the other time he will be with John or I. Again, so grateful that we were able to work out such great childcare (boy was I a nervous wreck about that one!).

Becoming a mom has been the most amazing experience I have every had, words can not express the feeling. I love being a mom and all that it entails. I love Kaden like I have never loved anything before. Going through this experience with John has made me love him even more than I ever thought I could. I appreciate all John does for me and our family and he makes me want to be a better wife, mom and person. John is so selfless when taking care of me and now Kaden. He always puts of first, thank you John. I look forward to creating many more memories and watching our family grow.

So...with that said wish me luck!